Like an iceberg, 10 % is known to you to yourself, and visible in behaviour, feelings and emotions AND 90 % is below the surface, is not visible and is unknown to you, can be compared with your unconsciousness.
Our behaviour is determined by our unconsciousness. Our unconsciousness is programmed like a computer, by our experiences. Many of these programs date back to when we were children.
Blind spots in communication.
Above schedule is based on models and concepts of Chris Argyris, as has been amended and made workable by “Het Consulaat”and published in EHBO (Eerste Hulp Bij Ongewenste resultaten) (First Aid with Unwanted Results)
I do know what I mean to convey, what my intentions are
We, most of the times, know our own intentions, our goals!
We have good reasons to act as we do, and we can explain them!
However, this explanation is not given spontaneous, since our intentions are so clear to us that we do not make them topic of a conversation without a good reason.
I do see, how I perceive the other (factual behaviour and the effect it has on me)
When you perceive others you fairly accurate see what they do, and how they do it!
When you see video footage of the other, you quite easily recognise the other in it!
The effect the other’s behaviour has on you can be perceived through your own perception of that behaviour, and your inner response.
I do not know what the other means to convey, what the other’s intention is.
You do not know what the intentions of the other are!
You may think you know what the other means or wants to achieve, but you are not certain!
It is also not possible to exactly know what is perceived by the other as an obstruction on the way to reaching his or her goal, especially when your behaviour in itself is perceived to be part of the obstruction!
I do not see how I am perceived by the other (how my behaviour looks like and the effect it has on the other).
You yourselves are less aware of how you do what you do!
Therefore it is not strange at all; that you do not exactly know what effect you have on the other!
It is a fact that different others can interpret the same behaviour differently.
So it is save to state that:
You perceive yourselves as someone who has good reasons to act the way you do and you perceive the other’s behaviour as possibly hindering you.
This information is not available to the other, unless you give it!
At the same time, you do not know and see what the other means, and you do not know and see how the other perceives you. This information is not readily available to you.
And since you can only influence your own behaviour, this information only surfaces when you ask for it (and the other is willing to share it with you)
And now for conversation or group dynamics
There exists a high probability that within a conversation or a group discussion that persons attend who are all convinced of their own righteous and good intentions, but at the same time you do not know much of the goals/intentions of the others.
However all hold their own (unconfirmed, unchecked) beliefs about the other’s intentions that form the basis of their responses.
Need not be a problem for as long as the assumptions and unconfirmed, unchecked beliefs are reasonably correct.
But the moment they start labelling (judging) the other in a manner not fitting how the other sees or perceives it him or herself, these unconfirmed/unchecked beliefs on the other become a source of misunderstandings.
One sided conclusions we keep to ourselves, we do think like that but we are not expressing them